May 2015 Monthly Update

The God of the Blank Page

Being the romantic that I (Chris) am I love to sit on a cold dark day and drink in the cloudy and tempestuous sky. That's because the sky is like a canvas to me. And like a canvas I prefer it be filled with a spectacular image of some kind and not just blank. It doesn't matter what it is as long as it gives me something to look at. I appreciate the warmth of a sunny day as much as the next guy. It's just that an empty sky does nothing for me, in much the same way that a blank canvas doesn't. I enjoy the substance.

Now God in His infinite wisdom has chosen to do something quite different in our lives. And I imagine it's because He doesn't view the world the way I do (I mean how can He? He is so far above it all). Instead of blessing our pre-existent life together, He has forced us to begin again. Instead of blessing our little work of art, He has chosen to erase it & paint over it. Now at first glance this seems like a horrible idea. Who wants to work hard at something only to have it destroyed in front of their face? Not me. But as God would have it we are finding out that neither of us really knows what living is all about and it shows. Every difficulty we face together lately in this season only seems to deepen that reality. 

You see as Americans we pride ourselves on our sense of accomplishment and sanctification (at least for Cindy & I) has always been something of an accomplishment. We have invested a great deal of time into working at it and value our growth. But it turns out our God is NOT an American at all and is not impressed by any of our accomplishments not even our (poor) attempts to grow in sanctification. He values the person and as such is more interested in their overall health & development than their personal accomplishments, even the ones they do in His name. It's not that He doesn't appreciate what they do, it's just that He already accomplished everything for us on our behalf in His Son. And He knows that we will never come close to doing what He has already done for us in Him, no matter how hard we try because we are finite & limited by our personalities (the reason He sent His Son to begin with).

So the Master has taken it upon Himself to expose the futility of our previous efforts by smashing our paltry little works of self improvement into tiny little bits. And that is really the point. What do we do when the Creator decides to destroy something we have worked so hard to accomplish? How do we respond to our sudden unemployment, handle a divorce or rejection by a loved one. How do we endure the loss & pain, grieve for our stollen health or live with a newfound handicap? How we do move forward in life when the Creator Himself has cut our legs out from underneath us? What do we do with the blank page when it is God who does the erasing? How do we let go of what we cannot change? How do we trust the One who led us here to begin with?

These are the questions burning in my mind as I contemplate the place that God has us. How do we trust the Lord in our uncertainty if it is God that led us here? How do we trust Him when our gut impulse is to complain at Him for all the terrible things that have happened to us, to challenge His judgment or question His goodness towards us. How do we trust the One that led us TO the pain to begin with? How do we rest in the God of the blank page? And yet in spite of being tempted to think such foolish thoughts, to ask such faithless questions, to think that we somehow know better than the One who made us, I am compelled to remember His faithfulness toward our family and trust Him yet again even with the uncertainty of the blank page HE created. You see the truth is the problem is not Him. It is me. I just don’t understand the beauty of uncertainty, the glory of the decimated life or the naked dependence that comes from knowing nothing about the future, being completely powerless to do anything about it even if I did. 

Again that is really the point isn't it? Sure I might speak of walking by faith but it is only ever in the abstract. I might quote the right Bible verses with the best of them and look real spiritual to others. But at the end of the day when push comes to shove and I am prompted to step into the unknown, if I am honest, I am terrified of uncertainty and resistant to change. I cling to my comforts instead of my prayer closet, my television instead of the Bible, my intellect instead of God's Spirit (I mean is that not why Jesus had to live & die in my place to begin with?). But that is no way to really live. 

The Ancient of days did not sacrifice His life so I could live mine in fear and desperation. I was set free for liberty was I not? At least that's what the Bible teaches me (Galatians 5:1). Being afraid is not living in freedom. And it is certainly not the liberty we have in Christ. But why am I sharing this with you? Why be so transparent all of the sudden? If I'm honest it's because I do not believe my wife and I are in some extraordinary place of sanctification, the exception if you would to the “ordinary” life. I think it's that for the first time, we are finally beginning to live the way we were created to: in the sanctifying liberty that comes from a total dependence on the One who made us & saved us in Christ, by surrendering our own efforts & relying on His.  

And He didn't do this in a foreign country or even in the bush of Africa on a missions trip, but right here smack dab in the middle of the global center of endless creature comfort, in the freest nation on the planet. The sovereign Creator chose to expose our inward slavery & destroy it by destroying what we hold most dear right where we are at. He decided to strip us of our comfort, our strengths, our dreams & our lives right where we live and replace them with something infinitely more valuable than anything we ever had on our own. By seemingly destroying our lives, and redirecting them, by ultimately demolishing our finite goals & rendering our family immovable and broken He has actually begun the process of healing and restoring to a far more blessed state than we ever imagined. It's just that He had to destroy us first in order to do that. He had to expose & destroy the different idols we created for ourselves out of even good seemingly biblical things by first destroying our capability to do anything other than trust in Him for everything we have (a glorious & terrifying truth if you really think about it).

So here we are in the hand of the God of the blank page we know not where, but finally and tangibly free, learning to walk by faith in the practical things, to be led by the hand of the invisible, to lean on the arm of the intangible, to rest in the work of the Divine. We are learning to follow the leading of God's Spirit in the little things & the big, to confront the darkest parts of our personalities in faith that we are already accepted in the Beloved, loved in Christ. We are learning to live a life of love outside of our petty fears, to live a life without the burden of the former things that only ever dragged us down, to rest in the finished work of our savior & rely on His love. It is a far better life than we ever imagined, far better than we deserve. 

I want to encourage you to grow in the way that you perceive our Heavenly Father, to view His work in your life in a different way. I think at times we believe & pray as if God wasn’t able to do anything without our help: to think that we must first instruct Him in prayer if He is to do anything right in our lives. I know I have been convicted of late by this in my own life. And I think the point bears repeating. We can trust the Lord to lead us no matter what it looks like. We don’t need to fear His judgments or His wisdom. He is always good to us no matter what we do. It is in His nature to do so. It is never His faithfulness towards us that is on trial but our faith in Him in light of that truth, that is. So the question at the end of the day is really not is He good enough to trust in but are we going to trust Him no matter what He does or how we feel or are we going to rely on the works of our own hands and trust in our own understanding?

I know we have never really profited from leaning on our own understanding and I am sure it is the same for you. I can think of no higher more blessed life for the saint in Christ than to rest in everything on the One who made it all to begin with. Will you join us in walking this way and put your faith in the God of the blank page? I promise it will be well worth it in the end. I have seen it for myself. 

The Nitty Gritty with Cindy:

- She is still moving forward in her recovery thanks to all of your many prayers and the tender mercies of our God. In fact she recently had a pet scan and it came back negative which means she is still in remission (yay!) She still suffers from neuropathy & has trouble remembering things. But she has come a long way. And we are VERY grateful for the improvement. Please continue to lift her in your prayers as you think of her though. She still definitely needs them. 

The Kiddos:
-Josiah is getting so big and is almost ready for Kindergarten. Becca is such a cutie & quite the little communicator. Noah still gets nose bleeds and has trouble communicating but is improving a little every day. 

Some Basic Prayer Requests to consider:

- Pray for Cindy as she begins to watch the kids on her own once a week. 

- Pray for Noah as we look into different options for helping him further with his development & special needs 

-Pray for Cindy as she makes preparations to get Josiah into school and for the special aid and understanding of the faculty regarding her physical state.

- Pray for our marriage & our family as we continue to walk through the recovery process 

-And pray for our family as we consider the future

We are grateful to each of you for your continued love and support. You are the life blood of our little family, the means by which our God has chosen to speak and work and act. We thank the Lord for each of you and pray for your own continued blessing. Lord bless you. 

-Chris and Cindy

                                    Sunshine in the Rain

                                 Our Handsome Boy

                 Bruised & Beaten but No Less Good looking

                           Our Sweet Becca 

April 2015 Monthly Update

A New Perspective

As I (Chris) reflect on the past year there is so much that comes to mind in the way of what God has revealed to Cindy & I about our lives: who we are, how we need Christ & what needs to change. The Holy Spirit has revealed everything from idolatry of ministry, to deep rooted apathy & gross unbelief. But of all the different gems I could share with you that we are learning together, there's one that stands out above the rest to me. And that is the generally impoverished way I now know I used to live before all of this happened and the rich way that God has begun to work in me to change that. 

It humbles me, for instance, to think of the different ways I failed to appreciate my wife for who she is apart from my broken ideal of her before she was diagnosed with lymphoma, to see the profound contribution she has made to our life & our family in spite of me. In short it took the threat of losing her to see what a treasure she really is. But it also took the profoundly difficult & blessed responsibility of raising our 3 children nearly completely without her, to see how precious & unique they each are and how much they (and I) really need her. It took an ongoing series of practical needs to see the value of the body of Christ. And it took being nearly completely alone for almost a whole year to recognize the value of fellowship & friendship. In short it took the physical cancer in Cindy to finally expose the spiritual cancer in me: that greater disease of selfishness and the need for repentance of it. 

Only where Cindy's was eating away at her body mine had begun to eat away at the very fabric of our family, (at least) my faith in God, our marriage & sadly every other relationship I had taken for granted. Where hers had forced her to reckon with her mortality, mine had force me to face a life without her. Where hers had forced her to rest and receive the aid of others, mine had forced me to step up and serve in ways I didn't know I hadn't before. And in the superior gracious wisdom of God this worked on my behalf to change and grow who I am. 

As I look back on the past year I am not only humbled by the generous natural way that God chose to work in our life through the gracious gifts of other people. I am also humbled by the way He chose to work through the very suffering itself. That’s right I said it. I am not only grateful for the blessings IN the suffering. I am also grateful for the suffering itself and all the difficulty it brought us. Every conflict, every difficulty, every fearful painful moment that we experienced together this past year has only served to deepen us more, mature us & bless us, enrich our understanding of the gospel & deepen our love for one another. It has also served to cultivate & enrich a truly meaningful & necessary dependence on the Living God as individuals & a couple. And as I said before this has worked (at least for me) to change the very fabric of who I am, for the better. 

So while I look back on who I was with a growing sense of regret. I also look back with an equally growing sense of awe for the miraculous way that God has chosen to work on my behalf (and my family's) to not only change my poor behavior but also change who I am, how I think, how I see other people and serve them in practical ways. And for that as I said I am very thankful. If I can offer any general encouragement to you from my own experience this past year it's this: maybe instead of asking God to help you escape from whatever trial you might find yourself in, ask Him to give you a deeper revelation of the gospel in it and change you through it. Because I personally think He waits for us to do that anyways so He can really get to work in us and bless us (and others) in ways we've never dreamed of, in ways that transcend the boundaries of this world. 

Some Different Ways You Can Pray for Us:

- The numbness Cindy's feet to go away. 

- For Cindy as she deals with post chemo fatigue. (It can last from 1-3 years and is worse then chemo tired. Pray for strength and energy for normal everyday tasks.) 

- For Noah's meltdowns and different delays. (His test results are that he is NOT currently on the ASD spectrum yet but his behavior shows signs of being on the spectrum later on. They will reevaluate him in six months to see if there's progress. His adjustment issues to normal family activities puts more strain on our family. Pray for God's wisdom to know how to balance his needs and without jeopardizing everyone's needs as well. 

- Please pray for our family in general as we continue to find a new normal. So far readjustment has been very difficult. 

Thank you again to each of you for your fellowship, prayer and support. You are the love of God to us and we cherish each and everyone of you. 

Lord bless you. 

- The Broniste Family

                      Quality time with Mommy

                          Daddy & Baby Girl

                             Lunch Time!
    

                              Sleepy Girl

March 2015 Monthly Update

Christ In The Aftermath

I (Chris) cannot think of a better way to describe the post-chemo recovery process than to liken it to the aftermath of a major earthquake. (I'm from So Cal after all.) You might also compare it to any other major disaster if you like (whatever is easiest for you to relate to). Everywhere we look we are forced to deal with some form of unthinkable devastation neither of us expected: something we have either lost which can never be replaced or something that's been destroyed which will take years of hard work & the grace of God to rebuild. The emotional spiritual & physical toll that cancer & chemo have taken on our marriage, our family & our individual emotional states is simply beyond belief right now.

And although we didn't ask to experience these losses, to have our lives reordered or dismantled in the way they have been, there is precious little we can do about it on our own because we were never in control of our own lives to begin with & we both know it, even if we forget it at times. We were led here by the One who made us for Himself & saved us in Christ to begin with. So whether by direct intervention or allowance, it matters very little in the end. He led us here for His own special purposes & glory. And we both must learn to except that and walk in that by faith. It is not like He hasn't already proven to both of us that He is with us & for us no matter what happens to us. He certainly has. So we can put our trust in Him & rest in His work through this as well.

Although we have no idea what that will actually look like in the end or what good can possibly come from the craziness of this past year. we do know that He does. And that's enough for us. Personally I can think of no better place to put my own faith than in Him. I'd rather live through 50 devastating storms with Him than travel the road of this life in ease without Him. And that's the truth. But where does that leave us as a family practically? Where do we go from here in the long term? How are we supposed to assimilate back into an ordinary life after going through something like this? What IS normal these days anyways? Recovery is a slow & painful process, one that is clearly going to take a lot more time & patience to get through than we ever thought it would before.

And from where I am standing the only thing I can see that we CAN do is move forward in faith that God will see us through. We must learn to put our faith in Christ and rely on His sufficiency in everything anyways, right? Why Not here as well? Why not in the recovery process? After all, we are not alone in this. We have a Heavenly Father who gave the only Son of His love on our behalf to live & die in our place for our benefit. And we have the Holy Spirit who groans for us with words unspoken & points us back to Him when we falter and fail. And if that's not enough we also have the church body to lift us up in prayer & stand beside us in the many difficulties to come. And that is more than enough for anyone; more that enough for our present needs anyways. So we are clearly in good hands.

Although it is true that chemo therapy recovery is a VERY difficult place for anybody to be in, we both agree it could be so much worse than it is. Despite the difficulty & damage that have followed we are both so grateful to God for all He has done on our behalf, so much more than either of us really deserve. So while anyone would agree it is not the ideal place to be on the surface, we have both seen it to be the gift of God to break us & change us, mold us & shape us & ultimately ground us in the deeper revelation of the sufficiency & supremacy of the Son of God who gave His life for us. For me personally I can honestly say, in spite of all, it has actually been a positive life changing experience, one that I have certainly taken for granted, one I am sure to look back on with great fondness and miss when it is all over & done with. And that is the truth.
---------------------------------------------

As for Cindy's health, I'd be lying if I said everything is much easier post-chemo. The truth is as grateful as we are to be through it all, it is still not without its difficulties. For example she now has an edema in each of her feet and still suffers from pretty bad neuropathy. Her body still aches the majority of the time and it's still very difficult for her to think clearly about even the simple things. She still struggles to help take care of our children and she can only do so much before she begins to shut down physically mentally and emotionally. Of course it doesn't help that we are currently preparing Josiah for kindergarten or taking Noah to get tested for ASD (autism spectrum disorder) or even that our Becca has become quite the little ball of non stop energy keeping us both on our toes at all times. But life moves on just the same and we do our best to keep on keeping on, resting in the strength of our Savior.

In conclusion, we want to thank each of you again, for the many kindness you have shown to our little family through the past year. I cannot imagine where we would be without your gracious love and support. May the Lord bless you as you have blessed us and keep you in the power of His Spirit.

-Sincerely,
The Broniste Family

A Few Family Prayer Requests for the Road:

- Wisdom & understanding for Chris & Cindy to deal with Noah's ASD results
- Grace for Cindy to adjust to helping with the kids & getting used to normal life
- Provision to pay for nannies until Cindy can take over
- Grace & wisdom in the increase of spiritual warfare (the result of sharing the testimony of Gods work in our lives this past year)
- For Chris & Cindy as they adjust to married life again (emotional & spiritual healing in the re-connection process)
- And finally for our family's emotional state in general (there is a lot of hurt and pain to wade through as a family)

Thank you

   All Together for Easter

   Fun with Family 

     Turning Five!

                                                              Quality Time W/ Mommy

February 2015 Monthly Update

 What is normal anymore, these days? That’s the question I find myself asking lately. Cancer was the norm for awhile and then it was chemo. And now it is remission. But what does any of that mean anyways, in the grand scheme of life? Either way I still have to trust in the Lord with all of my heart, repent of trying to understand everything on my own, lay my concerns at the foot of His throne and rest in the promise that all of this will work out for our good in the end spite of what we are going through in the moment. And the thing I keep coming back to is how is that any different from the rest of the saints on planet earth? 

 I know that nearly every experience is different in some way from the others. But in the end isn’t the purpose still the same? Haven’t we all been called to suffer in this life as believers, to worship in adversity, trust in uncertainty and grow in the midst of our difficulty, as we are daily conformed to the image of Christ through the inward work of the Holy Spirit? So I guess what I am saying is, even though we have been blessed to pass through this particular valley is there not another one already waiting somewhere around the corner, to sanctify us a little bit more and solidify our restful dependence on the One who saved us? I think the answer you will agree is, Yes. Yes there is. 

 After all we were not saved to be comfortable here, but to rely upon and reflect the One who saved us & gave His life for us to bring us into deeper fellowship with the One who sent Him to restore the life of every man woman and child that would believe in His name. And what better way to do that for a sinful selfish individual than in the crucible of hardship and affliction. So while I am grateful for words like remission and transition, I am also cautious, not necessarily fearful of calamity, but weary of my propensity to avoid it at all costs.I do not want to be the person I was before our family went through this hardship. I do not want to grow stagnate in the belief that our own personal comfort and safety from illness and death is really a benefit, and the sole reason for God saving us.

I want to move forward in the reality that we are all pilgrims, as believers, called from the grave of sin and death to live lives of conformity to the will of the One who knew us and created us for Himself, when we were nothing but wretched and self-serving from the womb. And I guess I am sharing that with you so that you will join with us in sharing this same grandiose purpose. I want our journey as a Christian family to continue with or without the threat of death as a testimony to the faithfulness of God and His enduring grace. No matter what happens next, I want others to look at our lives and the sufficiency of Christ in them and say glory to the living God who was and is and is to come. Regardless of what difficulty or prosperity we may experience in the weeks and months ahead I want our lives to always only bear witness to Him and bring Him glory.  

And I am sure you feel the same.

Now as for Cindy's health: 

She is currently in recovery having just recently finished her last & final round of chemo last month. This means she is finally in remission. Praise the LORD! However because she was stage IV there is still a high probability of recurrence. So her Dr. said we shouldn't celebrate until after she has cleared the five year mark of being cancer free. 

Unfortunately her body still aches a lot these days and it's very difficult for her to get up and do "normal" things. So her Dr. has also recommended that she take it very slow for the time being. That means she won't be able to take care of our children on her own just yet, at least not for the next few months anyway. 

And in addition to this some of the side effects may also be permanent, like the bottom of her feet being numb (neuropathy), joint pain,..etc. But only time will tell. Her lungs are still continuing to heal as well.Her lung Dr. is hopeful that the damage is only short term and will subside with time. She still gets winded if she talks for long periods of time, or after going up & down the stairs (we live in a two story) or even when she tries to sing a worship song. So she needs to take it easy.

And these are only just a few of the challenges that lay before us in this season of transition. 

A few basic prayer requests for our family would be:

• For Cindy's continual emotional physical & spiritual well-being in this new transitional period
• For Chris & Cindy as they re-adjust to married life together (those who've been here understand)
• For the children's continued health
• For wisdom to handle the normal challenges and changes of life in light of everything (Josiah preparing for school & Noah's development for example)
• For financial assistance and availability for the nanny situation (at least till may or early June)
• And finally that God would direct us as a family in this next phase of our lives, that we would submit to Him & follow HIS leading, without getting ahead of Him. 

Thank you, all of you, for your continued prayer and support. It goes without saying that something like what we have all just gone through (and truthfully still are) will inevitably change you. And the one thing for me that has definitely changed is my growing appreciation for a godly supportive community. You have been my family's family through the greatest trial of its existence. And I want you to all know that we are both so thankful for you. 

Lord bless each and everyone of you as you deepen in your own understanding of  the sufficiency of Christ in whatever place you find yourselves in this life. 

Sincerely,

The Broniste Family

                                                              Becca with Her Pretty Bow

                                                                   Daddy & Baby Girl

                                                                  Our Little Valentines

                                                                   He's Gettin' So Big

                                                                            Sweeties

December/January 2014 Monthly Update

Although I initially wrote this on Christmas Eve for my other personal blog, I felt it would still be fitting to use it for our monthly newsletter as well. It both shows where we are really at and reveals what God is doing in our hearts through it all in spite of it.  Lord bless you this winter season as you read it. 

 -Chris 

A Valley is Still a Valley (But a River Is No less Refreshing In It)

For those of you who do not know my wife was diagnosed with stage 4 Hodgkin Lymphoma in July of this year and has had to endure a rigorous schedule of chemo therapy since then. As a result I have had to take on the role of being the sole care provider of our three small children (with help) and maintain the sanity and morale of our home these past 5 mos or so in edition to working a full time job. Needless to say it has not been easy for any of us least of all my poor wife and nothing has been off the table regarding our individual and personal suffering not even Christmas. Everything from our relationship with each other to our physical health and financial standing has been attacked over the last five mos. Why not Christmas? And yet our God has seen us through it all, even Christmas. Through the most unexpected sources our God has proved time and again his undeniable sovereignty over the cosmos and everyone and everything in it. 

And I guess that's why I'm writing...to remind myself that our God is still on the throne in spite of my insatiable loneliness in the absence of my wife's affection (who can think to be affectionate when they are suffering like she is?), my frustration at having to spend Christmas at home away from extended family without a real tree (petty i know but I'm only human), my anxiety at trying to single handedly help our children focus on Christmas and not their mother's poor health (impossible I know but I have to try). Now it's not like God hasn't already gone above and beyond for us especially this Christmas, providing a magnificently large stocking full of unexpected gifts many loving saints went out of their way to give us, the likes of which you could fit at least two of our children into, not to mention an army of gracious mothers to cook and prepare a Christmas feast for our little family in edition to taking care of their own. The truth is I really do have much to be thankful for...and I guess I needed to mention that. But in spite of all this and so many more wonderful streams of grace and provision I could mention that God has provided in this valley we are in, it is after all still very much a valley and difficult as valleys go.  

It still hurts to watch my wife suffer the way that she does. It breaks my heart how unsympathetic I can be, how brainless or clueless I can be when she needs me the most. In spite of my best efforts to care for her and bless her let alone this Christmas, the truth is I cannot really give her what she truly wants: her health. I cannot restore her body, make her hair grow in or make her nausea go away. I cannot take away her discomfort make her breathe easier or give her the last five mos she has lost back. I am utterly powerless to do anything she really needs or wants. And that is more difficult for me than I care to admit. So while God has and continues to bless our little family in this season it is still in a valley that he is doing so. It is still waiting for my wife to go through her chemo on Friday. It is still in the midst of great emotional physical and psychological suffering. And that is a reality I must accept, a reality no Christmas gift I give or receive can make go away, a reality no delicious dinner can eclipse. And that is the will of God for our family whether we choose to see it or not. I know that and believe that. The Bible even confirms it. 

So why am I writing this on Christmas Eve? Maybe to give myself a reality check. Maybe to give you the reader something to be thankful for. Maybe to remind myself at the end of the day that the true meaning of Christmas is not gifts or trees or family or even friends. It is not showing love or being loved. It is not warm feelings or lovely songs, treats or memories. It is about a fallen world that the God of the universe loved so much he intentionally sacrificed his own Son to redeem it. It is about a little human baby being God incarnate waiting to willfully and joyfully sacrifice himself so that the creation His Father loves can be redeemed, redeemed from all the sickness and death that plagues it, the sin that corrupts and distorts it and the devil that manipulates and destroys it. Maybe at the end of the day God loves my wife and I so much that He decided in edition to saving us from His own deserved wrath he would put us through this awful season to deepen and refine our perspective of the redemptive reality Christmas was always meant to magnify and reflect. Maybe so I could write this in the middle of my own personal heartbreak and you the reader could benefit from it. Who really knows but him?

I only know that on this lonely Christmas Eve with my wife asleep in our bed struggling to sleep, and our three children waiting for the morning to come as quickly as possible that this daddy needed to pour out his soul somewhere in the hope that his own (though minuscule in comparison to his wife's own but still no less painful) suffering is not in vain and can be used to the glory of God quite in spite of himself. He needed to express if only to himself the reality that this season is no less painful because of a great flowing river of grace and that grace is no less magnificent just because this season of misery in the valley is so awful. 

I know it's Christmas Eve. And on Christmas Eve we try to think of pleasant things. But on this Christmas Eve night I have been confronted once again with the horrors of chemo therapy and the destruction it has wreaked on my wife's already fragile body. I have been confronted with the reality of the gospel. I have been confronted with my own inadequacy and the supremacy of Christ. I have been confronted with the true meaning of Christmas and the baubles and trinkets I tend to replace it with. I have been confronted with reality. And as painful as it is I am grateful for it. I can think of no more practical gift one can receive on Christmas Eve from their maker than to be confronted with their own desperate need for him and the glorious love he chooses to lavish on His children in that need. So if you take nothing from what I have written up till now please take this. 

On this Christmas look at the people you are surrounded by, the gifts around your tree, the wonderful ways that God has shown you favor through the year and remember you deserve none of it. Neither do I. And we would have none of it if the Son of God did not condescend to take the form of a human embryo, become subject to the physical limitations of an ordinary lowly human being and die in our place. It is because of his unfathomable sacrifice before and during the cross that people like my wife (and others like her) can have hope in the midst of the most unthinkable suffering. It is because of His sacrifice that this time of year has meaning.  It is because of the enduring practical gracious love of the godhead that I can write this exhortation on Christmas Eve instead of feeling sorry for myself. It is because of that little baby in Bethlehem that you can read this and benefit from what I have written in it. 

Merry Christmas who ever you are. I love you and pray that the love I have experienced in this valley will spill over into your life as well. It may be a valley I am in but the grace of God is no less tangible and real in it. You may be in a valley yourself and it may hurt something fierce. And that hurt may definitely be valid. But I guarantee you that if you are in Christ there is a river waiting for you in it. Don't give in to the bitterness or self pity of your heart. Don't be robbed by the deceiver into thinking you have nothing. Find that river which God has provided for you in your circumstance and drink from it even if it is only the remembrance of who Christ is and what He did for you and I. I guarantee you that is enough to satisfy you in the depths of your soul in whatever valley are in right now if you will only be willing to see it. Lord bless you and make His face to shine upon you this coming year. Remember if only by God in Christ, you are loved more deeply than you could ever comprehend. And that my friend is more than enough. 

As for Cindy's current health situation:

The results of her bronchoscope were negative for infection. It turns out that the damage is really the result of the bliomyicin in her chemo cocktail. 

As a result they have put her on prednisone for the next two weeks or so to help w her breathing & lung function. Her last chemo minus the bliomyicin will be on the ninth. Then the lung dr is scheduled to check up on her a few days later. Sometime after that she has to go to a bone marrow specialist to see if she will need a bone marrow transplant. Depending on the results of that meeting they will monitor her for reoccurrence in the future. But that's only if all goes according to plan. And as we have seen nothing hardly ever does. So your prayers are appreciated. 

A Few Simple Prayer Requests:

For Cindy as she endures the side effects of the prednisone she has to take for her lung issues

For the boys as they adjust to mommie's breathing issues

For daddy as he takes on more responsibility in the home

For the grandparents as they continue to travel back and forth to help 

And finally for Cindy's body & mind as she takes her Final chemo treatment on the 9th of January

Thank you and Lord bless you this coming new year! We are grateful for your enduring love and support:)

-Chris & Cindy

                                                                   Baby's 1st Christmas!

                                              The boys being blessed by our Secret Angels!

A Quick Important Update

IMPORTANT UPDATE:

Ok. Here it is friends. Yesterday Cindy did NOT go to Kaiser to get another pulmonary test as we supposed she would but to our mutual surprise, instead, to meet with a pulmonary specialist who informed us of the following: 

First off, Cindy's lungs are apparently now inflamed because they're unable to properly diffuse any oxygen they receive. As a result her heart is working over time to compensate for the lack, which is creating an elevated heart rate. That is why she is so easily winded all the time & on bed rest. 

But in edition to this there is also another concern. It turns out that in edition to all of this there is also a sort of spot of some kind...a discoloration on her right lung which the CT scan recently revealed that has her Drs. concerned. 

As a result Cindy has been scheduled to receive a Bronchoscope this Tuesday the 23rd of December. Basically they're going to stick a camera down her trachea and see if they can find anything out of the ordinary going on there. In edition to this they're also going to biopsy different parts of her lungs to be safe. They want to leave no stone unturned. 

What that means in terms of her treatment is that the BEST case scenario for her is that it's only one of her chemo drugs (Bliomycin) affecting her lung function and they will have to press on without it; The WORST case scenario being that she has a Pneumonitis or even a form of TB or Lung Cancer and they consider how best to proceed from there. Although the Oncologist feels fairly certain that it is just the chemo effecting her lungs and nothing more he doesn't really know and thinks it best to go through the testing to make sure.  

Either way I don't have to tell you how discouraging it is to hear all of this so unexpectedly especially so close to her last two chemo treatments let alone right before Christmas. Please keep our family in your prayers this week if you think of us as this will put a serious damper on the holiday season and in spite of the best intentions of her Drs still feels very much like a punch to the stomach. Needless to say it is a lot to take in right now and neither of us is really sure how to feel about it. For now we are simply choosing to lean in even feeble faith on the One who led us here. 

We love you all and appreciate everything you have done for us through it all. We trust that God is even at work in all of this and look forward to seeing what He does through it all. 

Lord bless you and keep you this holiday. 

Chris and Cindy 

November/December Monthly Update

Greetings Friends!

First off I want to apologize for the tardiness of this update. It has been a fairly hectic couple of weeks. So I hope you don't mind but I thought I would keep it simple this update and refrain from sharing any significant insights I might have gleaned over the past month or so in it. With the Holiday season upon us and Cindy at the end of her Chemo therapy things are more than a little crazy around our household. I hope you will understand. 

Well, we're finally here! Cindy is about to begin the last cycle of her 6 cycle treatment. And boy is she ever glad! Her last treatment is scheduled for January the 2nd 2015. And it couldn't come quickly enough for her. 

Although the last one was slightly postponed a week, she has successfully completed 10 of her 12 scheduled treatments. And while the first eight were relatively not as bad as they might have been for her the last two have been particularly awful, denying Cindy the usual brief period of recuperation she typically gets a week or so after a treatment.  Without that usual period of release from the symptoms she has been feeling quite miserable the past few weeks. 

But she presses on, grateful that an end is finally in sight, hopeful that the tyranny on her body is at last drawing to a close. 

I'm also happy to report that she is cancer free at this point and her hemoglobin counts & white blood cell counts are both up despite the severe fatigue & neuropathy she currently experiences in her hands and her feet. So at this point she will not be needing a blood transfusion. Thank you for the prayers! With very minor exception her oncologist is pleased with the results of her chemo. And we couldn't be happier about that. 

In closing as you think of her this holiday season, please continue to lift her up in your prayers. This has been a very difficult season for her especially with the holidays upon us. And I imagine the end will be the more so. She will definitely benefit from any request you might feel led to lay before our Heavenly Father on her behalf. 

A few simple practical requests would be:

An ongoing appetite for food for Cindy. She's not eating enough. 

Energy to do the simple ordinary things she needs to do. Everything wears her out. 

A guarded heart and mind in the loss of her hair appetite and energy. We can't imagine how hard that must be. 

And that no other chemo treatment would be postponed

Also: please pray for the boys. This holiday season will look very different to them from the others 

You can also pray for my own heart mind (Chris). 

I'm increasingly tired physically emotionally and spiritually as we get closer to the end. 

I am starting to forget simple things (I guess because I've got so many other things on my mind these days). 

Please pray that I'm able to give my family the attention affection and devotion they need from me (I'm a high introvert) in this season. 

And finally please pray for Cindy's parents John and Kathy. They're both an incalculable blessing to our family and contribute much to the maintenance of our little home. Pray for their health, and against any drama that the enemy might try to drum up against them. Pray for their marriage and for their travel. They both travel quite a distance each month to see us. 

As always we are both so grateful for your love and support each month and value each and everyone of you for so many different reasons! You have all contributed in so much this season. And we are both so humbled by your love. 

In closing I (Chris) want to say to each of you: you have all been the tangible demonstration of the tender mercy & grace of our God to my family and I. Your love has been a stream in the desert I drink from often which God continues to sustain me with in my most difficult hours of need. Whether it's a cup of coffee hand delivered to my door on a hectic night, a dear friend stopping by to say he cares or a kind word spoken with tenderness from a seasoned mother, you have all been Christ to me. And this holiday season I want to say I am grateful for all of you. And I am sure Cindy feels the same. 

Merry CHRISTmas & a Happy Healthy & Whole Holiday season to each of you and all of your families from all of ours!
We love you all. 

-Chris, Cindy & the Family

                                                                   The Munchkins

                                                                A Becca in a Basket!

                                                                     Brotherly love

                                                                        The Boys

                                                                Cindy (Lovely as ever)