Thursday, December 25, 2014

December/January 2014 Monthly Update

Although I initially wrote this on Christmas Eve for my other personal blog, I felt it would still be fitting to use it for our monthly newsletter as well. It both shows where we are really at and reveals what God is doing in our hearts through it all in spite of it.  Lord bless you this winter season as you read it. 
 -Chris 


A Valley is Still a Valley (But a River Is No less Refreshing In It)


For those of you who do not know my wife was diagnosed with stage 4 Hodgkin Lymphoma in July of this year and has had to endure a rigorous schedule of chemo therapy since then. As a result I have had to take on the role of being the sole care provider of our three small children (with help) and maintain the sanity and morale of our home these past 5 mos or so in edition to working a full time job. Needless to say it has not been easy for any of us least of all my poor wife and nothing has been off the table regarding our individual and personal suffering not even Christmas. Everything from our relationship with each other to our physical health and financial standing has been attacked over the last five mos. Why not Christmas? And yet our God has seen us through it all, even Christmas. Through the most unexpected sources our God has proved time and again his undeniable sovereignty over the cosmos and everyone and everything in it. 

And I guess that's why I'm writing...to remind myself that our God is still on the throne in spite of my insatiable loneliness in the absence of my wife's affection (who can think to be affectionate when they are suffering like she is?), my frustration at having to spend Christmas at home away from extended family without a real tree (petty i know but I'm only human), my anxiety at trying to single handedly help our children focus on Christmas and not their mother's poor health (impossible I know but I have to try). Now it's not like God hasn't already gone above and beyond for us especially this Christmas, providing a magnificently large stocking full of unexpected gifts many loving saints went out of their way to give us, the likes of which you could fit at least two of our children into, not to mention an army of gracious mothers to cook and prepare a Christmas feast for our little family in edition to taking care of their own. The truth is I really do have much to be thankful for...and I guess I needed to mention that. But in spite of all this and so many more wonderful streams of grace and provision I could mention that God has provided in this valley we are in, it is after all still very much a valley and difficult as valleys go.  

It still hurts to watch my wife suffer the way that she does. It breaks my heart how unsympathetic I can be, how brainless or clueless I can be when she needs me the most. In spite of my best efforts to care for her and bless her let alone this Christmas, the truth is I cannot really give her what she truly wants: her health. I cannot restore her body, make her hair grow in or make her nausea go away. I cannot take away her discomfort make her breathe easier or give her the last five mos she has lost back. I am utterly powerless to do anything she really needs or wants. And that is more difficult for me than I care to admit. So while God has and continues to bless our little family in this season it is still in a valley that he is doing so. It is still waiting for my wife to go through her chemo on Friday. It is still in the midst of great emotional physical and psychological suffering. And that is a reality I must accept, a reality no Christmas gift I give or receive can make go away, a reality no delicious dinner can eclipse. And that is the will of God for our family whether we choose to see it or not. I know that and believe that. The Bible even confirms it. 

So why am I writing this on Christmas Eve? Maybe to give myself a reality check. Maybe to give you the reader something to be thankful for. Maybe to remind myself at the end of the day that the true meaning of Christmas is not gifts or trees or family or even friends. It is not showing love or being loved. It is not warm feelings or lovely songs, treats or memories. It is about a fallen world that the God of the universe loved so much he intentionally sacrificed his own Son to redeem it. It is about a little human baby being God incarnate waiting to willfully and joyfully sacrifice himself so that the creation His Father loves can be redeemed, redeemed from all the sickness and death that plagues it, the sin that corrupts and distorts it and the devil that manipulates and destroys it. Maybe at the end of the day God loves my wife and I so much that He decided in edition to saving us from His own deserved wrath he would put us through this awful season to deepen and refine our perspective of the redemptive reality Christmas was always meant to magnify and reflect. Maybe so I could write this in the middle of my own personal heartbreak and you the reader could benefit from it. Who really knows but him?

I only know that on this lonely Christmas Eve with my wife asleep in our bed struggling to sleep, and our three children waiting for the morning to come as quickly as possible that this daddy needed to pour out his soul somewhere in the hope that his own (though minuscule in comparison to his wife's own but still no less painful) suffering is not in vain and can be used to the glory of God quite in spite of himself. He needed to express if only to himself the reality that this season is no less painful because of a great flowing river of grace and that grace is no less magnificent just because this season of misery in the valley is so awful. 

I know it's Christmas Eve. And on Christmas Eve we try to think of pleasant things. But on this Christmas Eve night I have been confronted once again with the horrors of chemo therapy and the destruction it has wreaked on my wife's already fragile body. I have been confronted with the reality of the gospel. I have been confronted with my own inadequacy and the supremacy of Christ. I have been confronted with the true meaning of Christmas and the baubles and trinkets I tend to replace it with. I have been confronted with reality. And as painful as it is I am grateful for it. I can think of no more practical gift one can receive on Christmas Eve from their maker than to be confronted with their own desperate need for him and the glorious love he chooses to lavish on His children in that need. So if you take nothing from what I have written up till now please take this. 

On this Christmas look at the people you are surrounded by, the gifts around your tree, the wonderful ways that God has shown you favor through the year and remember you deserve none of it. Neither do I. And we would have none of it if the Son of God did not condescend to take the form of a human embryo, become subject to the physical limitations of an ordinary lowly human being and die in our place. It is because of his unfathomable sacrifice before and during the cross that people like my wife (and others like her) can have hope in the midst of the most unthinkable suffering. It is because of His sacrifice that this time of year has meaning.  It is because of the enduring practical gracious love of the godhead that I can write this exhortation on Christmas Eve instead of feeling sorry for myself. It is because of that little baby in Bethlehem that you can read this and benefit from what I have written in it. 

Merry Christmas who ever you are. I love you and pray that the love I have experienced in this valley will spill over into your life as well. It may be a valley I am in but the grace of God is no less tangible and real in it. You may be in a valley yourself and it may hurt something fierce. And that hurt may definitely be valid. But I guarantee you that if you are in Christ there is a river waiting for you in it. Don't give in to the bitterness or self pity of your heart. Don't be robbed by the deceiver into thinking you have nothing. Find that river which God has provided for you in your circumstance and drink from it even if it is only the remembrance of who Christ is and what He did for you and I. I guarantee you that is enough to satisfy you in the depths of your soul in whatever valley are in right now if you will only be willing to see it. Lord bless you and make His face to shine upon you this coming year. Remember if only by God in Christ, you are loved more deeply than you could ever comprehend. And that my friend is more than enough. 

As for Cindy's current health situation:

The results of her bronchoscope were negative for infection. It turns out that the damage is really the result of the bliomyicin in her chemo cocktail. 
As a result they have put her on prednisone for the next two weeks or so to help w her breathing & lung function. Her last chemo minus the bliomyicin will be on the ninth. Then the lung dr is scheduled to check up on her a few days later. Sometime after that she has to go to a bone marrow specialist to see if she will need a bone marrow transplant. Depending on the results of that meeting they will monitor her for reoccurrence in the future. But that's only if all goes according to plan. And as we have seen nothing hardly ever does. So your prayers are appreciated. 


A Few Simple Prayer Requests:

For Cindy as she endures the side effects of the prednisone she has to take for her lung issues

For the boys as they adjust to mommie's breathing issues

For daddy as he takes on more responsibility in the home

For the grandparents as they continue to travel back and forth to help 

And finally for Cindy's body & mind as she takes her Final chemo treatment on the 9th of January

Thank you and Lord bless you this coming new year! We are grateful for your enduring love and support:)

-Chris & Cindy

                                                                   Baby's 1st Christmas!
                                              The boys being blessed by our Secret Angels!

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

A Quick Important Update

IMPORTANT UPDATE:

Ok. Here it is friends. Yesterday Cindy did NOT go to Kaiser to get another pulmonary test as we supposed she would but to our mutual surprise, instead, to meet with a pulmonary specialist who informed us of the following: 

First off, Cindy's lungs are apparently now inflamed because they're unable to properly diffuse any oxygen they receive. As a result her heart is working over time to compensate for the lack, which is creating an elevated heart rate. That is why she is so easily winded all the time & on bed rest. 

But in edition to this there is also another concern. It turns out that in edition to all of this there is also a sort of spot of some kind...a discoloration on her right lung which the CT scan recently revealed that has her Drs. concerned. 

As a result Cindy has been scheduled to receive a Bronchoscope this Tuesday the 23rd of December. Basically they're going to stick a camera down her trachea and see if they can find anything out of the ordinary going on there. In edition to this they're also going to biopsy different parts of her lungs to be safe. They want to leave no stone unturned. 

What that means in terms of her treatment is that the BEST case scenario for her is that it's only one of her chemo drugs (Bliomycin) affecting her lung function and they will have to press on without it; The WORST case scenario being that she has a Pneumonitis or even a form of TB or Lung Cancer and they consider how best to proceed from there. Although the Oncologist feels fairly certain that it is just the chemo effecting her lungs and nothing more he doesn't really know and thinks it best to go through the testing to make sure.  

Either way I don't have to tell you how discouraging it is to hear all of this so unexpectedly especially so close to her last two chemo treatments let alone right before Christmas. Please keep our family in your prayers this week if you think of us as this will put a serious damper on the holiday season and in spite of the best intentions of her Drs still feels very much like a punch to the stomach. Needless to say it is a lot to take in right now and neither of us is really sure how to feel about it. For now we are simply choosing to lean in even feeble faith on the One who led us here. 

We love you all and appreciate everything you have done for us through it all. We trust that God is even at work in all of this and look forward to seeing what He does through it all. 

Lord bless you and keep you this holiday. 

Chris and Cindy 

Monday, December 8, 2014

November/December Monthly Update

Greetings Friends!

First off I want to apologize for the tardiness of this update. It has been a fairly hectic couple of weeks. So I hope you don't mind but I thought I would keep it simple this update and refrain from sharing any significant insights I might have gleaned over the past month or so in it. With the Holiday season upon us and Cindy at the end of her Chemo therapy things are more than a little crazy around our household. I hope you will understand. 

Well, we're finally here! Cindy is about to begin the last cycle of her 6 cycle treatment. And boy is she ever glad! Her last treatment is scheduled for January the 2nd 2015. And it couldn't come quickly enough for her. 

Although the last one was slightly postponed a week, she has successfully completed 10 of her 12 scheduled treatments. And while the first eight were relatively not as bad as they might have been for her the last two have been particularly awful, denying Cindy the usual brief period of recuperation she typically gets a week or so after a treatment.  Without that usual period of release from the symptoms she has been feeling quite miserable the past few weeks. 

But she presses on, grateful that an end is finally in sight, hopeful that the tyranny on her body is at last drawing to a close. 

I'm also happy to report that she is cancer free at this point and her hemoglobin counts & white blood cell counts are both up despite the severe fatigue & neuropathy she currently experiences in her hands and her feet. So at this point she will not be needing a blood transfusion. Thank you for the prayers! With very minor exception her oncologist is pleased with the results of her chemo. And we couldn't be happier about that. 

In closing as you think of her this holiday season, please continue to lift her up in your prayers. This has been a very difficult season for her especially with the holidays upon us. And I imagine the end will be the more so. She will definitely benefit from any request you might feel led to lay before our Heavenly Father on her behalf. 

A few simple practical requests would be:

An ongoing appetite for food for Cindy. She's not eating enough. 
Energy to do the simple ordinary things she needs to do. Everything wears her out. 

A guarded heart and mind in the loss of her hair appetite and energy. We can't imagine how hard that must be. 

And that no other chemo treatment would be postponed

Also: please pray for the boys. This holiday season will look very different to them from the others 

You can also pray for my own heart mind (Chris). 
I'm increasingly tired physically emotionally and spiritually as we get closer to the end. 
I am starting to forget simple things (I guess because I've got so many other things on my mind these days). 
Please pray that I'm able to give my family the attention affection and devotion they need from me (I'm a high introvert) in this season. 

And finally please pray for Cindy's parents John and Kathy. They're both an incalculable blessing to our family and contribute much to the maintenance of our little home. Pray for their health, and against any drama that the enemy might try to drum up against them. Pray for their marriage and for their travel. They both travel quite a distance each month to see us. 

As always we are both so grateful for your love and support each month and value each and everyone of you for so many different reasons! You have all contributed in so much this season. And we are both so humbled by your love. 

In closing I (Chris) want to say to each of you: you have all been the tangible demonstration of the tender mercy & grace of our God to my family and I. Your love has been a stream in the desert I drink from often which God continues to sustain me with in my most difficult hours of need. Whether it's a cup of coffee hand delivered to my door on a hectic night, a dear friend stopping by to say he cares or a kind word spoken with tenderness from a seasoned mother, you have all been Christ to me. And this holiday season I want to say I am grateful for all of you. And I am sure Cindy feels the same. 

Merry CHRISTmas & a Happy Healthy & Whole Holiday season to each of you and all of your families from all of ours!
We love you all. 

-Chris, Cindy & the Family


                                                                   The Munchkins
                                                                A Becca in a Basket!
                                                                     Brotherly love
                                                                        The Boys

                                                                Cindy (Lovely as ever)